TD recently had sickness and diahrrea. This means for a stay at home mum, days imprisoned at home cleaning up sick and poo. This time she managed to get poo on the bed, carpet, car seat... no nappy was up to the challenge.
I remember FBS once having a leaky nappy situation whilst happily bouncing in his door bouncer, and then further entertaining himself by squidging and sliding the poo around with his toes..lovely! TD has had diahrrea in a highchair in McDonalds and FBS once had it in a supermarket trolly.
I usually find that sickness and diahrrea incidents more often than not occur when I'm on my own with the kids or have left the house characteristically unprepared. TD recently had a leaky poo incident in a playground and I had to deposit an un-bagged dirty nappy into the bin. Much to my shame moments later a poor council worker appeared to empty the same bin!
"He's not really a sicky baby", were the words I uttered moments before FBS impressively projectile vomited across a friend's living room. I got such a shock I inadvertantly made the situation worse by holding up my hand to stop the flow, causing v. distressing splashback into FBS's face!
TD was a sicky baby. If ever I tried to feed her a little extra at bed time (TD would only ever take 4oz from her bottle - "No baby will ever sleep through on 4 bloody OZ!", I used to wail), gauranteed she'd throw it all back up over her lovely clean baby gro, sleeping bag, blankets etc..
On one occasion the tables were turned.....When FBS was about 3 months old Mr. B and I were invited to dinner at a friends house. This was one of a only a hand full of occasions we had been out since his arrival, and unusually Mr B had agreed that he would drive and we took FBS with us. Whilst FBS slept in the friends bedroom we enjoyed some gin and tonics, red wine, and steak tartare served at about 11pm (I am still usually in bed by 9.30)..by the time we left it's fair to say I had had a 'nice drink'. On the motorway travelling home I asked Mr.B to pull over as I needed to be sick. As we were not far from home Mr. B decided I was being a bit off a drama queen (Moi?) and refused to pull over. He then said, " If you need to be sick be sick out of the window!" Now a sober person may have had reservations regarding this advise..but a hormonal, drunk woman? Obediently I tried to throw up out of the window of a vehicle doing 80MPH on a motorway! When we arrived home the back seat of the car looked like someone had been bludgened to death and raw meat and red wine puke covered (a thankfully still fast asleep) FBS and his lovely baby blanket!!
No one said I was a perfect mother.
Love
Kerry B xx
Monday 23 August 2010
Monday 16 August 2010
Oh dear what can the matter be? Both my kids are stuck in the lavatory!
I love to shop. I love it. In particular a day in Leeds with a friend (no kids). Lunch.. cocktails..I get to do this about twice a year. But I actually even like a mooch round Sainsbury's, a look at the reasonably priced fashions..kids clothes..homeware..I can be in my local Sainsbury's (other supermarkets are available) for a good hour before I actually get to the food. I love it. FBS and TD however.....
The last time I took the kids round a big supermarket TD actually tried to throw herself out of the trolley at the tills. FBS puts the price of my shopping up by about £40 by wittering for something on every isle..and a drink plus toilet stop is obligatory. Thankfully we have been blessed with an excellent 'mini' supermarket just a short walk down the road. Ideal.
However on a recent trip to this supermarket, by the time we entered both children were in full blown paddy mode, about god knows what. As we started up the first isle I passed the supermarket manager with both kids going for it. "Are you ok?" He asked, I rolled my eyes and confessed that in all the chaos I didn't even have a quid for a trolly. Wait here he said. A minute later he reappeared with a junior member of staff and a trolly. "Here you go, "he said, "She can push the trolley", (with FBS in it), "and you can push the pram". Yes, I actually got a staff escort round the supermarket! I was in equal measures embarrassed and grateful. I nearly cried. This was indeed either an act of kindness or simply a way to get the god awful kids out of his shop quicksmart! Thank god for on-line shopping.
In the last year, the only time really I have actually taken the kids to the high street is shoe shopping. With shoe shopping their is no alternative. Once FBS behaved so horrendously I ended up dragging him in his socks accross a precint as he refused to put his shoes back on. I then jolted the pushchair and sent TD flying face first- In the shoe shop hell I had forgotten to strap her back in properly. Cue me in car park sobbing as I rasp threats at FBS and strap TD in the car with a big egg shapped lump on her head.
Then there was the time en-route to Clarkes (other shoe shops are available) that TD smeared banana all over her jeans. Not just the shame of grubby socks for me in the shoe shop! This was the occasion that after shoes had been purchased, I had to make a run for it to the market hall public toilets to change TD's pooy nappy. Once in the nappy changing area FBS started moaning about needing to go.., "Just a minute love, just a minute.." SLAM!! FBS had gone into an open cubicle (one you should pay 20p to use) and the door had slammed behind him. BOLLOCKS!! I clean TD's backside whilst FBS is shouting to be freed! Get a clean nappy on her and stand her on the ground. I go to assess how best to spring FBS from the lav when BANG! TD has only done the bloody same thing and is locked in the next cubicle. Seriously you couldn't make it up. Thankfully moments later FBS manages to free the catch and escape, whilst a bemused lav user gives me 20p to free TD.
We are actually going shoe shopping this week. New school shoes for FBS. I will let you know how we go!
Love
Kerry B x
The last time I took the kids round a big supermarket TD actually tried to throw herself out of the trolley at the tills. FBS puts the price of my shopping up by about £40 by wittering for something on every isle..and a drink plus toilet stop is obligatory. Thankfully we have been blessed with an excellent 'mini' supermarket just a short walk down the road. Ideal.
However on a recent trip to this supermarket, by the time we entered both children were in full blown paddy mode, about god knows what. As we started up the first isle I passed the supermarket manager with both kids going for it. "Are you ok?" He asked, I rolled my eyes and confessed that in all the chaos I didn't even have a quid for a trolly. Wait here he said. A minute later he reappeared with a junior member of staff and a trolly. "Here you go, "he said, "She can push the trolley", (with FBS in it), "and you can push the pram". Yes, I actually got a staff escort round the supermarket! I was in equal measures embarrassed and grateful. I nearly cried. This was indeed either an act of kindness or simply a way to get the god awful kids out of his shop quicksmart! Thank god for on-line shopping.
In the last year, the only time really I have actually taken the kids to the high street is shoe shopping. With shoe shopping their is no alternative. Once FBS behaved so horrendously I ended up dragging him in his socks accross a precint as he refused to put his shoes back on. I then jolted the pushchair and sent TD flying face first- In the shoe shop hell I had forgotten to strap her back in properly. Cue me in car park sobbing as I rasp threats at FBS and strap TD in the car with a big egg shapped lump on her head.
Then there was the time en-route to Clarkes (other shoe shops are available) that TD smeared banana all over her jeans. Not just the shame of grubby socks for me in the shoe shop! This was the occasion that after shoes had been purchased, I had to make a run for it to the market hall public toilets to change TD's pooy nappy. Once in the nappy changing area FBS started moaning about needing to go.., "Just a minute love, just a minute.." SLAM!! FBS had gone into an open cubicle (one you should pay 20p to use) and the door had slammed behind him. BOLLOCKS!! I clean TD's backside whilst FBS is shouting to be freed! Get a clean nappy on her and stand her on the ground. I go to assess how best to spring FBS from the lav when BANG! TD has only done the bloody same thing and is locked in the next cubicle. Seriously you couldn't make it up. Thankfully moments later FBS manages to free the catch and escape, whilst a bemused lav user gives me 20p to free TD.
We are actually going shoe shopping this week. New school shoes for FBS. I will let you know how we go!
Love
Kerry B x
Saturday 7 August 2010
Mr B, Children and Me
I can't go any further with this blog without dedicating a blog to my partner in all this parenthood (granted I do feel like the Senior Partner!), who I will refer to as Mr B. We met in 2000, married in 2004 and by the first wedding anniversary we were pregnant with FBS. I always say that women are usually ready to be parents long before baby arrives, but men usually wait for baby to actually appear and then hopefully "step up".
Thankfully Mr B was one of those that on setting eyes on his first born child fell hopelessly in love and thankfully, "stepped up".
We have shared nearly five years of broken nights and early mornings, and the constant mad pace of our children. As you can imagine, the romance that hadn't been killed by child birth and breast feeding truely had a job to survive. One friday night I asked Mr. B if we should set the table and light a few candles, "Ah can we not just eat it in front of the telly and ignore each other?" He replied. I readily agreed.
In our house the greatest trading commodity after time to ones-self is sleep. A lie in (followed by toast and tea in bed), is the main way we have shown love for each other over the last five years. This is what we are most interested in in the bedroom, (that said foreplay in the form of spending money to go shopping and he will definately be getting lucky).
Don't get me wrong we have fought - A lot. Sometimes we have wondered if by the time they are both at school will we actually have a marriage left.
So, what's to know about Mr B? Well, tall and handsome of course (although he accuses me of fattening him up so he can't run away!). He works in computers, which has totally led to my dummying down in this area. He spends most of the little free time he has in our garage 'tinkering' with computers and an old landrover (a huge meccano set for grown ups).
His job, although keeping us all pretty well, takes him away, often two or three nights a week. Certainly the kids and I do not like this (In my darker, most sleep deprived moments, I convince myself he engineers this for blissful, unbroken nights sleep in lovely hotels). He works hard...well he works.
He does things 'differently', to me. It's not unusual for Mr B to take TD out without nappies, etc, required for a child of her age. Or to feed the children lollys and crisps on a day out, instead of insisting on at least a sandwich. Although this is a bit annoying to me at least I know that they will all definately be having fun. He certainly does fun very well indeed.
So married for 6 years. I still think it's hilarious to describe him as my First Husband...Just to keep him on his toes.
Love
Kerry B x
Thankfully Mr B was one of those that on setting eyes on his first born child fell hopelessly in love and thankfully, "stepped up".
We have shared nearly five years of broken nights and early mornings, and the constant mad pace of our children. As you can imagine, the romance that hadn't been killed by child birth and breast feeding truely had a job to survive. One friday night I asked Mr. B if we should set the table and light a few candles, "Ah can we not just eat it in front of the telly and ignore each other?" He replied. I readily agreed.
In our house the greatest trading commodity after time to ones-self is sleep. A lie in (followed by toast and tea in bed), is the main way we have shown love for each other over the last five years. This is what we are most interested in in the bedroom, (that said foreplay in the form of spending money to go shopping and he will definately be getting lucky).
Don't get me wrong we have fought - A lot. Sometimes we have wondered if by the time they are both at school will we actually have a marriage left.
So, what's to know about Mr B? Well, tall and handsome of course (although he accuses me of fattening him up so he can't run away!). He works in computers, which has totally led to my dummying down in this area. He spends most of the little free time he has in our garage 'tinkering' with computers and an old landrover (a huge meccano set for grown ups).
His job, although keeping us all pretty well, takes him away, often two or three nights a week. Certainly the kids and I do not like this (In my darker, most sleep deprived moments, I convince myself he engineers this for blissful, unbroken nights sleep in lovely hotels). He works hard...well he works.
He does things 'differently', to me. It's not unusual for Mr B to take TD out without nappies, etc, required for a child of her age. Or to feed the children lollys and crisps on a day out, instead of insisting on at least a sandwich. Although this is a bit annoying to me at least I know that they will all definately be having fun. He certainly does fun very well indeed.
So married for 6 years. I still think it's hilarious to describe him as my First Husband...Just to keep him on his toes.
Love
Kerry B x
Thursday 5 August 2010
"My Sister is Dead", and other lies.
My favourite 'porky pies' from First Born Son (aged 4)
1. We live on a farm. We've got sheep and pigs at home.
2. I'm seven and I'm not at school 'cos it's the school holidays.
3. My sister broke this.
4. I have fifteen dogs at home.
5. My mummy and I are fire fighters.
6. Harry from nursery came round and messed up my room/ tore this book/ has drawn on the wall.
7. My mummy will be late 'cos she's never on time (on a visit to his new school -you have my word this is untrue!).
8. I started riding my bike (without stablizers) and i rode for a whole month!
9. I didn't get a biscuit after lunch..I'd better have one now.
10. My sister is dead.
1. We live on a farm. We've got sheep and pigs at home.
2. I'm seven and I'm not at school 'cos it's the school holidays.
3. My sister broke this.
4. I have fifteen dogs at home.
5. My mummy and I are fire fighters.
6. Harry from nursery came round and messed up my room/ tore this book/ has drawn on the wall.
7. My mummy will be late 'cos she's never on time (on a visit to his new school -you have my word this is untrue!).
8. I started riding my bike (without stablizers) and i rode for a whole month!
9. I didn't get a biscuit after lunch..I'd better have one now.
10. My sister is dead.
In the Begining
"But really", said my single friend Sally, "Being a stay at home mum, surely it's all just Jeremy Kyle in a morning and drinking gin in the afternoon?"
Hello there....I'm Kerry and about 18 months ago I became a stay at home mum. This was not when i first became a mum. I became mummy to First Born Son in December 2005 and uncerimoniously scarpered back to work as soon as my 6 months maternity was over. I skipped out of the private day nursery gates and never really looked back. Some days i didn't even change a pooy nappy. Then when The Daughter came along in 2008, along with a not insignificant economic downturn, I found myself redundant from my, 'resonably well paid for limited effort job'.
So began my foray into stay at home mummydom. The reason I am starting this blog now is because in exactly 1 month FBS is starting school and TD is starting pre-school three mornings a week. Precious time to myself is finally in sight. But it has been a rocky few years...the time both kids got locked in a public lavatory, the escort round sainsburys, the time FBS spray painted the neighbours cars. Yep, you're gonna hear them all. From the first time I heard myself say "Can you see the wee on these jeans?", to TD singing "All the single ladies, all the single ladies...", in the back of the car. There have been tears (mainly mine) but lots more reasons to smile than I ever had at work.
I hope it makes you smile too!
Kerry B xx
Hello there....I'm Kerry and about 18 months ago I became a stay at home mum. This was not when i first became a mum. I became mummy to First Born Son in December 2005 and uncerimoniously scarpered back to work as soon as my 6 months maternity was over. I skipped out of the private day nursery gates and never really looked back. Some days i didn't even change a pooy nappy. Then when The Daughter came along in 2008, along with a not insignificant economic downturn, I found myself redundant from my, 'resonably well paid for limited effort job'.
So began my foray into stay at home mummydom. The reason I am starting this blog now is because in exactly 1 month FBS is starting school and TD is starting pre-school three mornings a week. Precious time to myself is finally in sight. But it has been a rocky few years...the time both kids got locked in a public lavatory, the escort round sainsburys, the time FBS spray painted the neighbours cars. Yep, you're gonna hear them all. From the first time I heard myself say "Can you see the wee on these jeans?", to TD singing "All the single ladies, all the single ladies...", in the back of the car. There have been tears (mainly mine) but lots more reasons to smile than I ever had at work.
I hope it makes you smile too!
Kerry B xx
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